I screwed everything!

Well, I have been sharing my ups, now you'll get the downs...

I went to the competition-area early. I set up my station, prepared my tips and prepped the nails. When the competition started I was relaxed and not nervous anymore. Not that I were aware of, at least... :)

The disaster already began with the first tip. Silly me thought that a resin was a resin. As I bought the competition-polish from OPI, I thought it would be nice to get some new glue too. WOW, a resin is not a resin... :-/ It was so thin and it floated all over the tip. I didn't realize this before I understood I had nearly glued myself to the tip!!! This is the only disaster I UNDERSTOOD there and then, that did, the rest of the disasters just happened. The next disaster was that I made the nails way too long. And this really made all the other disasters....

I promise, I have NEVER made that horrible nails before. I was so embarrassed and angry that I cried like a baby after the competition. And that too was embarrassing. I knew I would not get at the top ten, so i waited for my model, took her outside, and redid her nails sitting on the floor, in the hall without light. And guess what? Those nails came out WAY much better. How irritating is that?

I felt it very, very bad at the time. Every time people were asking me about how I did it, I began crying and I became even more embarrassed. BUT looking back at it now, I can clearly see what I did wrong, why it went wrong and what I have to do better for next time.

I think I put too much pressure on myself. Because I won the Championship in London I also had a reputation to take care of. I have NEVER been as nervous as I was today and I think the nervousness got to my head. I forgot everything I have learned and screwed everything.

Straight after the competition I told Amy, with tears in my eyes, that I will never compete again, not in the US at least. I felt like the worst tech ever. And I didn't cry less when I saw Athena, a good friend of mine, whom I met in Chicago, had made a "good-luck poster" for me and Gina. How cute is that? Hahahaha, and Nails mag were there... Taking pictures of me crying because I did rubbish... That was NOT my plan!!! :-)

Now I have a different view... After this day, I can only do it better in the next competition. I am so happy I redid my models nails, I learned a lot from it, and I got a little bit of confidence back. I have also learned that nerves and a bad day can, and will, happen.

In fact I am looking forward to Las Vegas. I am looking for a revenge, not compared to all the others, but compared to myself. I know I can do better and I WILL do better!

I am embarrassed because I didn't handle the disaster very well. I felt like a little kid when crying because I was so disappointed at myself. I will have to work with my feelings, but really don't know how to do it. That is how I am, crying when I am happy and crying when I am disappointed and even mad.

My friend from UK, Judy, once told me to "rock the socks" before a competition. Unfortunately the socks had gone today! :-D