This is getting harder and harder

Normally I get a rush of anxiety 4-5 weeks before a competition and normally it calms down after some days. This time it has been worse than ever and I haven't been able to get rid of it. My mood is changing from hour to hour. In one minute I don't care, in the next I am concerned about the time, then I am getting scared of the whole situation and then again, everything change again and I am looking forward to it. I am feeling kind of mad, maybe I am???

I try to tell myself that nobody care about how I place, and that is very true. The problem is that I care very much about it myself. I know I don't have a chance at the top, but my goal, deep inside me, is to get a place among the 50% of the best. I don't know if this is a reachable goal, for all I know, I may be happy to not get the last place.... You see how I am? Totally screwed...