To win or to loose?

Yesterday I had a practice round at myself. I like to practice at myself because I can try out new things, use the time to perfect my skills and nobody will ask me to hurry (except for my husband and son, but they don't count!). Ah, I forgot one thing, I can think very clear while doing my own nails.

When I sat there, pondering about my nail-life and trying to sort out how to avoid the dreaded shadows with doing the nails the traditional way, I understood my lack of confidence the last months.

4 weeks ago I had a wonderful time with Amy Becker, one of the best gel-techs in the world. She thought me how to avoid the dreaded shadows, but in a totally different way than I am working. It was to learn to how to walk again... I knew she used another technique and before I went to her, I was very clear that I would commit to her technique. I tried it and tried it and tried it. It worked very well for one nail, two nails etc... but I had a terrible time to get all 10 nails being consistent. On top of this, I am used to compete with tips and now I had to use forms. I have been practicing like mad the last 3 weeks. With very few good results. For every practice round my confidence went lower. The worst thing was that I transfered my low confidence to other
aspects of my work. Suddenly I struggled with everything, every client was a new "victim" and doing nails/thinking of competing was not fun anymore.

I have always thought a good nailtech should adapt to new things. I still think that, and I am then sorry to say I may not be as good as I thought I was. I know Amy's technique will benefit me, if I only managed to do it, but I don't Maybe I have problems with my learning-abilities? I don't know....

Yesterday I did some BEAUTYFUL competition nails, with tips, MY way and NO shadows! (Unfortunately I did not have my camera at home.) I then decided myself to commit to refining MY technique and getting the time down. It may not give me the winning nails, I may end up not being finished, getting the last place, but at least I now LIKE what I am doing. I can also feel the "fun-aspect" with competing coming back. I have always said I wanted to compete to have fun. The last weeks it has not been fun, only very frustrating.

The last months, competing has become too serious for me. I have put a heavy pressure on myself, demanding myself to commit to wanting to be the best. I still want to be the best, but not that badly. I also want to have fun and not taking it too seriously. After all, nobody will kill me if I get the last place and I will still have my clients. Maybe I don't deserve to win, if I ever do that again, since I don't feel I commit to wanting to be the best. And if I never win again, even if I get the last place, I will at least have peace with myself, that I have had an amusing time!

ORLANDO AND VEGAS, HERE I COME, WINNING OR LOOSING, WHO CARES?!?!!!!